NICU day 5

Im starting to feel extremely guilty from being away from Mason and Adalyn, I'm even thinking I'll go home for a few days next week then come back up. It's hard for the kids to be tossed around.
Brandon had to go home today, I'm scared to do this roller coaster by myself. I have a lot of family but none of them compare to Brandon. It's nice to know that we are feeling the same things, so it's easy to talk about everything. Now I have to be the communicator and tell him everything that's going on.
The doctors were going to take the c-pap off and put the nasal canal back on, needless to say she did not handle it at all. She had to be suctioned out about 10-15 times today, she would be doing good then her oxygen would just plummet. She hates for the nurses to mess with her today, I think she's sick of everything.
The cardiologist came in and said there was a surgeon that wanted to do the surgery now, but the cardiologist wants to wait till she gains a little weight. I'm terrified to send her into surgery, but at the same time I'm ready, her heart and the meds they are giving her is the reason she's having trouble breathing and with her feeds. They did bump up her feeds to 4cc every 4 hours.
Later on that night, she was very good (she must of liked her nurse) we were messing with her and she stated stable the whole time, she gained 20 grams, and she finally pooped! Yes we get excited about poop here. She was doing so good I left to go to my sisters house.